Sunday, March 7, 2010

i'm in this place.

the question comes frequently. and various words come flowing from my mouth each time i try to answer. but really i should just start saying, "i don't know," and ending the conversation there. because who really knows anyway? i keep trying to know. in my heart i literally long to know. i want to know so bad where i'll be in 6 months, a year, or 5 years. sometimes i spend hours of time just thinking about where i'll be. kind of hoping that maybe, just maybe, i'll have this crazy revelation where someone will just yell out my future. i will hear the words that i want to hear. yes, katherine fallis, you will be a full-time photographer. because that's what i want to be when i grow up.

but there's so much in my life that keeps me from jumping. i love the kids that i teach. i'm a teaching fellow and i owe the state of nc two more years of teaching in their public schools. i'm afraid of failure. i don't think i have enough money. i know only a little about owning a business. i might waste time if i don't have a set 8-5 schedule for work. and even if it weren't for any of these things, am i good enough?

these are not little things. these are the things that are filling my mind day by day. and yet while i go through life worrying about the future, God graciously fills my mind with reminders of Himself. he is loving, he always provides, he conquers all, he is my rock, he comforts those who need to be comforted, he gives new mercies every morning, he created the world, he knows the number of hairs on my head, he sings over me. why should my heart be filled with worry when God has allowed for me to know him and be able to trust in Him alone? my heart should be filled with joy!

and from now on, when the question is asked, i will say, "i don't know. i don't know if i will be a full-time photographer or a teacher or a mom or anything else. but i know that God is faithful and he will have me where he wants me and i will praise Him for providing exactly what i need."

so for now, i am in this place. this place where God has me. teaching and taking pictures. and if he gives or takes away tomorrow, then i'll be ready. i will be ready.

how about that for a sunday post? love you guys.


pfallis said...

Yes, you are good enough! And, yes, He will provide the perfect place He has planned for you . . . all in His time. In the meantime, I jump for joy every day to have you as my daughter -- a joyous blessing! I love you! Mom

Mallory said...

Love this post, Fallis. What a wonderful reminder to turn all of our fears over to our Creator, and to rejoice in His control over our lives.

Christi said...

I am 100% in the SAME place! Yet another reason why we have to get together soon to chat :) I agree that I constantly wonder what will happen, and I am seeking God's guidance to figure out those steps!

cindy said...

I love hearing from your heart. You are such a sweet girl and God has great plans for you. I am so thankful that you are still in our lives after all of these years. I always go back to the early days in Wilmington when I think of you. Now my children are entering the same uncertain world that you are in. Good thing that God is in control, not us! Enjoy this place that you are in.